IF I WAS YOUR GIRL by Meredith Russo

Maybe I would never be ready; maybe I had to leap off the dock even if it meant falling flat moments later. Maybe I had to just let go. I've been looking forward to reading Meredith Russo's debut, If I Was Your Girl, since hearing about Flatiron Books' new young adult list, so I was really excited when I had the opportunity to read an ARC. I knew I was in for an emotional roller coaster — in a good way — when I started tearing up just reading the dedication. The novel follows Amanda, a transgender teen who was born "Andrew" and has struggled her whole life with feeling wrong in her body. After transitioning, Amanda is no longer safe in her mother's town near Atlanta, so she moves in with her dad for a fresh start. In her new town, no one knows who she was before, and Amanda is determined to keep it that way. But as she makes new friends and begins falling for a handsome and kind football player named Grant, she finds herself tempted to share every part of herself with them — even her painful past. At its heart, If I Was Your Girl is a beautiful story about love, friendship, and family that also happens to have an important message about understanding and acceptance — of oneself and of others. Being a huge nerd myself, I was rooting for Amanda and Grant in all their geeky glory (their adorable Star Wars references delighted me). Amanda's interactions with her new friends are also incredibly heartwarming, as you get to see Amanda finally feel like she belongs and can be herself. At the same time, though, the novel has its share of somber scenes, and Russo strikes a nice balance between the lighthearted and poignant. Being cisgender myself, I can't speak to Amanda's experience, but it read as very authentic to me. As Russo notes in her afterword, Amanda's journey is relatively straightforward, to give cis readers the best chance of understanding it, but it is by no means easy. When Amanda's father tells her "I just want you to live past your senior year," he's not just being dramatic, and so many of Amanda's experiences made my heart shatter. Many people are unaware — or have just forgotten — how dangerous it is just to exist as a transgender person. If I Was Your Girl shines a light on that experience while telling a wonderful story at the same time, which is why books like this are so important. They help educate the privileged by putting us in someone else's shoes, and they speak to marginalized groups to reassure them that they're not alone and that their feelings are valid. Being trans herself, Meredith Russo understands what her protagonist is going through, and she clearly cares deeply about readers who might be going through the same things. This is an incredibly important novel, and I'm so happy to see more LGBTQ+ YA not only being published, but being highlighted by publishers. I really hope this gets the attention it deserves.